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LAST WORD

Adding It All Up

Here is the sum of my career at the College after a lifetime of teaching English as I get ready to retire this spring.
By Bret Lott
Bret Lott, a professor and author at the College of Charleston, smiles while leaning on a stack of books. He is wearing glasses, a green checkered shirt, and a black sweater vest, sitting in a library setting with bookshelves in the background. The image conveys a scholarly and approachable demeanor.
| photo by MIke Ledford |

The number of …

  1. Years taught here: 36
  2. College presidents: 6
  3. Office hours held: 4,326
  4. Times tripped over bricks: 47
  5. Times tripped over bricks and ended up on crutches: 2
  6. Students taught: 3,972
  7. Parking lots assigned: 6
  8. Times parked illegally: 552
  9. Times illegally parked and found parking officer’s business card tucked under windshield wiper, written on it, “I know who you are. Next time I will have you towed”: 1
  10. Offices assigned: above ground, 4; below ground, 1
  11. Department chairs: 7
  12. Committees served on: collegewide, 23; departmental, 32
  13. Books assigned for courses: 118
  14. Colleagues in department: enjoyed being around, 56; got along with OK, 6; never want to speak to again, 2
  15. Barbecues held at my house in lieu of final exams: 37
  16. Neighbors who called because of too many cars on the street: 11
  17. Times walked down College Way to Green Way to the Cougar Mall to get to class in Maybank: 4,218
  18. Courses held in those miserable windowless rooms on campus: Maybank, 17; Bell Building, 5; Education Center, 2
  19. Times been yelled at by an administrator, any administrator: 3
  20. Times resigned: 1
  21. Times begged to come back: 1
  22. Years placed on departmental events committee because I had a gas grill and could haul it to school in my pickup and flip hamburgers for English department open house days: 7
  23. Cigars smoked when holding class outdoors before we became a smoke-free campus: 93
  24. Cigars smoked when holding class outdoors after we became a smoke-free campus: [redacted]
  25. Pages student fiction read: 74,523
  26. Top 5 student writers taught: 5
  27. Times quit reading student short stories: 0
  28. Times wanted to quit reading student short stories: [redacted]
  29. Hot dogs consumed from the cart at Glebe and George: 217
  30. Times eaten at the faculty dining room: 1
  31. Glorious summer months spent with CofC students in Spoleto, Italy, where we traveled and wrote and ate and wrote and traveled and ate and wrote: 10
  32. Times a student cried in class: due to critique, 31; for no apparent reason, 12
  33. Times heart moved by a student story: 805
  34. Welcome surprises when walking into a classroom, any classroom: see No. 6
  35. Times sat in the chair on the piazza outside my office on the third floor at 5 College Way and counted my blessings: 529
  36. Years I will miss this place: the rest of them

Bret Lott is the bestselling author of eight novels, three story collections and three nonfiction books. His novel Jewel was both an Oprah Book Club selection and made into a film. His work has been translated into eight languages.

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